The void is gone.  God is Faithful!!  A fresh start.  One day at at time.  Today.

The last couple of days has brought more confirmation that our work here is done.  It was a finalization type of confirming. Two days in a row while driving along the lake, I felt an emptiness in the atmosphere.....sort of a disconnect.  I love and cherish all of the people that God has brought into my life during the past 13 and a half years, so the disconnect was not for our realtionships, just for ministry in this area.  I continue to hope and pray for a great outpouring of God's Spirit in Bemidji. 

I have a feeling that we will be moving soon now.....I hope so.  It's difficult being here when I know our work is done.   I  look forward to moving on and starting anew in whatever work God calls us to.  We're heading down to the cities for district council after church tomorrow.  Lil' John is still recovering and needs LOTS of prayers.

Tears, tears, and more tears.  Yesterday was the first time back at our church after being gone three weeks.  The tears were uncontrollable.  So many emotions at once.  Some good.  Some not so good.  Sorting through everything so that the right attitude is in place before we leave is so important to me. Wishing it could have been here, yet knowing God has other plans is sometimes difficult to bear.  Then there are the doubts that ought not to be.  Asking again and again for confirmation after confirmation in order to be assured it really is God and not just us.  It amazes me at how patient God is with me during emotional times like these when doubts sometimes arise and we "pretend" to have the whole picture in place for the sake of others, stability, and peace.  In reality we really just don't know.  There's nothing set in stone for John or myself.  The only thing we know is that God wants us to move on.  Exactly where, and why, and how it will all work out is beyond our control.  We hope, we pray, we look for open doors for work and ministry, we inquire, we do our part, but above all...we obey.

It'll all be good in the end.  I wish I knew what to do with the credentials I received this past fall.  Pastor encouraged me to get them but never told me why or what he thought I might do with them.  I haven't heard anything since.  I wish I had someone to help me take the next step, give me advice, or just encourage me.  I feel so alone in this whole thing.  I crave a spiritual "family".  A body of believers that is close knit and fun to be around.  People who care enough about me to be honest and help me develope the full potential that God has placed within me.  But time and time again God has allowed me to be in situations where I depend on Him and only Him.  He wants to be the One who gives me the next step. 

Sometimes I think my expectations of myself are much higher that my potential.  Other times I am very sure of my capabilities.  As any reader can tell, I seem to be all over the place at present.  Yep.  That's a pretty good reflection of how I feel inside.  There's so much going on.  There's so much going on with my son, too. 

Believe it or not, despite all that has been written in this blog, underneath it all I have an immeasurable amount of peace.  And I really am excited for the change.  Believe it or not, it's true.